Chapter 3: Hidden Rules Among Classes
In this chapter, Payne details the "hidden rules" of a group. According to our reading, students in poverty view people as possessions, money as something to be used or spent, language as survival and education as valued, but in an abstract way.
Why is it important that we as BES staff members understand the "hidden rules" of poverty?
How can we communicate the hidden rules of Birdville Elementary to all of our students? What are some success stories you have had in doing this?
Please post your comments...
As educators, if we do not understand the background of our students, we will find it extremely difficult to teach them. I know I have asked myself the question, “Why don’t they do their homework”? For me, it is a simple task that should be taken care of prior to watching television or playing video games. When you delve deeper into the hidden rules of poverty, you find that these same “children” may be acting in very adult roles in their homes. When they get home, they may have to watch younger siblings, prepare dinner, and take care of the house. There is any number of reasons that make home work seem very unimportant in their world. Can you blame them?
ReplyDeleteI truly believe that our school has gone the distance in teaching our students about the BES hidden rules. Just walk our hallways in the middle of the day and you see evidence that our students have a solid grasp on what it is we want them to know about being a part of BES. If we continue to give precise expectations and follow through with the program, we will be successful in passing on our hidden rules.
My success story has yet to fully develop, but the possibilities are out there. Understanding why one student was not engaged was taken care of when I simply stopped and pulled them aside and asked what was going on and dug deeper. He said I was speaking too quickly and he couldn’t keep up. As a “gringo” trying to learn Spanish, I totally understood and we both have been more successful in our learning.
I have recently used the words "hidden rules" with my students, and I explained that these are not written down, but yet we are expected to know and follow these in the "job world". Since school prepares us for a job in the future, I have begun to point out hidden rules that I can teach such as the proper way to sit and listen, how to place things in a trash can, taking our turn to speak, etc. They seem to understand that this is for their benefit. I am finding little "hidden rules" that I can teach on a regular basis now!
ReplyDeleteRhonda
Understanding the background & values of our students is so important to achieving success with them. We can't always change their values about people & money, but we can model our beliefs about education and guide them in ways to become more successful students and productive citizens without being judgmental about matters such as having no homework, poor manners, or lack of motivation. The hidden rules that we have for them at BES can help them set goals & have a very positive effect on their successes.We can continue to look for little hidden rules that they need to be taught on a regualar basis.
ReplyDeleteCindy Adkins
Sometimes I find it hard to hear of the students background. Once we listen and truely hear there voice and make it count,students begin to believe in the hidden rules, and become successful in more ways then you can imagine. Nancy Heard
ReplyDeleteIt's important that we understand their hidden rules so we can help them overcome the burden they are under. Positive role models, people who have come from the very background these kids have, who have made something of themselves, would be a good way that the students could understand what we're trying to get through to them.
ReplyDeleteUnderstanding the hidden rules in no way means we condone them. The students need to know that they are NOT the property of their parents eventhough they view people as possessions. This is part of where the physical/mental abuse comes from. Parents feel they own their offspring.
I continuously have to remind myself of how something so natural to me can be so foreign to our students. I am not of the same cultural background or economic situations most these kids come from, so I can only empathize with them, try to teach them the "hidden rules" of our society, and love them for who they are. I try to remember the old saying, "They don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."
ReplyDeleteAnn Pappas
Reading about hidden rules has helped me understand our kids a lot better. Some of their actions (yes, just some of them! :0) ) make sense to me now, because they are just following the hidden rules they were taught by their parents. I do think we need to teach them our hidden rules, though, so they will be in a better postition to have a successful career and life.
ReplyDeleteAs an educator, knowing the hidden rules amongst a group of people can lessen the anger or frustration you may have when dealing with these students/parents. Knowing the "whys" and the "hows" of what they do, helps you to understand them a little more and, hopefully, will change any attitudes or notions you may have had. This is not to say that I am not still shocked from time to time by what I see, hear, and experience with these families, but I am more understanding.
ReplyDeleteI still get disappointed by some of the limitations I have experienced...I cannot assign this for a homework project since it requires too many items they may not have or cannot afford...BUT I can ask for donations, buy the rest, and still give my students this experience in the classroom. This type of situation, over and over, can wear on you, mentally and financially. I would not be honest if I said I do not get frustrated. However, I do know that most of our families are, like us, doing the best they can with what they have. It is our job to teach their children that there is more out there and this is how you can achieve it.
It is important to understand the "hidden rules" of poverty because it will build an understanding of our students' backgrounds which will decrease anger and frustration causing the student to be more successful.
ReplyDeleteTina Deger
After reading this chapter I have become more aware of the “hidden rules” that are present on our campus, in my classroom, and in my social circle. I think it is very important to understand the hidden rules of the families that we work with. By knowing that hidden rules exist and trying to learn the hidden rules that exist between the many families that we encounter, we are more likely to gain the trust of the family. Trust is key in building relationships with our families. If they do not trust us with their most prized possession, then we are not going to help the families understand the importance of the test scores, tutoring program or whatever else we are meeting with the families about.
ReplyDeleteI think the simplest way to communicate the hidden rules of BES to our students is to just tell them. This year, I have discovered just how many hidden rules I have in my classroom alone. Since I looped with my kids last year, they already knew and understand the hidden rules of our classroom. This year, I have a new group of kiddos and I found myself becoming very frustrated when the kids were not doing what I expected. Once I made the connection that I had not explained the unwritten rules of my room, I was able to take the time to explain the unwritten rules of our room as we encountered problems. It seems so simple. However, I will be the first to tell you how much time this takes! Now that I have had three weeks of explaining the hidden rules of my room, I have had more success with my students following the expectations of our class and have found myself much less frustrated!
After reading this book help me to understand what our students do and go thru once they leave BES. At Birdville I feel the kids know what is expected of them,esp.the older students.
ReplyDeleteAs teachers realizing all the different leavels of the hidden rules,can help us have a better understanding of what the students have to endure when they get home. This allows us to be more open minded and to offer a solution to the problem.
Lynn McCrary
After reading the chapter on hidden rules I really started thinking about my students and their families. I became more aware of the backgrounds the students come from and my perspectives changed. I liked what Laura said about how if we know the hidden rules our the families of our school we can gain their trust. I believe gaining their trust is very important. If we except them for who they are, even if thier hidden rules are different from mine we can still work together to ensure a successful education for their child.
ReplyDeleteI agree that NO ONE fits into a perfect "cookie cutter". EVERYONE is different and we ALL have hidden rules. I think that what Payne brings to mind is that if we RESPECT our differences we will gain the most in whatever the situation may be. Do I see this happen at BES? OMG..every second..as teachers it's something we practice constantly. I think as a person it would be very easy not to want to be flexible because we want things that are comfortable to us but the teacher in us is forever giving consideration to "the child" and his world.
ReplyDeleteI believe it is important for BES staff members to understand the “hidden rules” of poverty so that it might teach us to “keep on keeping on”, to never give up, and try (always) to teach with compassion. As I took the test on whether I could survive in a certain class, I found the wealthy class almost laughable; the middle class making since (to me), and the poverty class fearful. I felt completely humbled by all three. The one thought it clearly left me with was that all people are deserving of respect, no matter their class, background,” lot in life”, or what have you. The second thought I had was that of Mick’s voice clearly telling us that it was time for us to get over our white, middle class selves. He’s right! I believe Ruby Payne is opening my eyes and will help me do just that. DeWayna Loomer
ReplyDeleteMost of us did not grow up in poverty to truly understand what life is like for our students and their families. Therefore, it requires effort for us to put ourselves in their shoes to better understand what life for them is like. It is difficult for us to comprehend many of the daily choices made by our students and their families, because we did not have similar priorities in day to day life. As Ruby Payne points out, it is our responsibility to view situations from another angle in order to relate better to our students and families. We must meet them where they are in order to earn the trust on their terms, not the other way around.
ReplyDeleteCommunicating hidden rules at BES will certainly include modeling, but I also feel teachable moments are constantly present. We should not avoid an opportunity to discuss a situation using a language that is on their level. Students (and some adults) may need to be reminded they have the power of choice in life and that there is always room for growth.
Dee Dee
After reading the chapter on hidden rules I began to see where our families are coming from. With knowledge comes understanding...once I know and understand then I can move forward. Understanding the hidden rules of any environment, economic status, or place you "live" in lessens the frustration. I have begun to have a better understanding of the hidden rules and a better understanding of my students and their families.
ReplyDeleteR. Dickson
ReplyDeleteLearning the hidden rules of the BES families has never been an easy task. It has been a (work in progress)to build relationships with our families. I have found that it is by meeting one-on-one and developing a relationship of trust with the parents of my individual students that I discovered the hidden rules and could then develop a plan to help the student be successful in my classroom. Each family has a unique variety of rules. I feel that BES is making progress with "building relationships" with the new programs implemented this year to get the parents in the classroom and building relationships among our BES famlies
I loved what Dewayna had to say about being compassionate. We are tired, worn out, easily frustrated and easily negative; but if we forget for one moment that it is not about us but about the kids we lose that opportunity to bring them into the realm of learning. Kids are smart and they know when our hearts are not in it.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that research repeats over and over is the idea of being explicit, noticing and naming and modeling expectations. Hidden rules needs to be applied in the same instructional context and it sounds like everyone is taking advantage of this. Sharing hidden rules with our kids is like opening that door to success and inviting them in. They don't have to guess at what this education thing is all about...they know it and what is better, they can see themselves as a part of it.
Social stories have been a way for us to teach our students the hidden rules of BES. It helps the student to not be frustrated or stressed out when they deal with situations they have no familiarity with. We are continually amazed at how our students view the world. Getting rid of assumptions has helped me help the student. It all ties in together with the Community of Respect. Beverly Pouncy
ReplyDeleteMary Renfrow
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this chapter I understand the hidden rules of my family and also the hidden rules of my students and their families. As a priamry teacher I need to take time and listen to my students and parents. I need to build that trust with them. Many times I am the first teacher a student and family meet at the school. A student and thier family must have that trust and build that relationship between family and teacher. If a parent has a bad expierence at the beginning of their child's education journey it will take them many years to gain that trust again. Also as educators we should not make assumptions about our students and familie on how they handle school or job situations.
This topic made me realize one more reason why Make Your Day is such a successful program for our kids. MYD forces us to state clear expectations throughout the day & then use those expecations to self evaluate. By having to state our expectations throughout each lesson, we are learning how to express hidden rules & we are giving our kids a better idea of how to be successful in our classrooms. During points time we are reinforcing the lessons/ expectations/ hidden rules we have presented.
ReplyDeleteReading this chapter & studying the chart on pgs. 42-43 makes me realize how awkward & helpless I might feel if I were thrown into one of the other class systems & just expected to 'get it'. It gives me a feeling of empathy for my kids & their families. When it comes to understanding the hidden rules of poverty, I think we all know how important it is to know as much as we can about our students in order to relate to them better, and meet their needs (academic, emotional, etc.)
Reading the chapter on hidden rules helped me to understand my students and where they are coming from. It has really helped me relate to them and also helps me not to get as frustrated when they do things differently than I would.
ReplyDeleteIn the PreK classroom, the rules are definitely not "hidden!" We have to lay everything out and explain it in the simplest of terms. I can't expect my students to understand something that I haven't taught to them!
I agree with Katie on her point about MYD. Giving clear expectations takes away the unknown for our students.
Laura T
I am so intrigued by the hidden rules of different classes! It's interesting to see them in action in my cassroom. Being aware of these rules has lessened my frustration as well. Ultimately, I want to know where my students and families are coming from so that I can meet them where they are and help them. Kelly White
ReplyDelete"Hidden Rules" are sometimes hard to explain and sometimes hard to understand. Although it seems to be somewhat straight forward, sometimes this can be twisted. For example, I frequently were polo shirts with dockers to school and most times the polo shirt does not require being tucked in. Even though I'm within the teachers dress code, I still have students say, "Mr. Puhl, your shirts not tucked in. Or "Mr. Puhl, that teacher does not have her blouse tucked in." When I explain to the student the situation about "Hidden Rules", they tend to understand. Even in my experience, working at different schools, there are so many "hidden rules"! My wife and I have had many discussions about, the little "hidden rules" in both of the schools we work for. Once we and our kids can understand and except these "hidden rules" we will all have a better understanding of the total picture.
ReplyDeleteThanks to Ruby Payne I have a better understanding of the "hidden rules"!!! Ken Puhl
As I said at Blilie's house, I've dealt with 'hidden rules' all my life....yes, and that's a long life! I was sitting and listening to Ruby Payne when it all hit me, actually. I still don't feel completely comfortable in the 'wealth' category. In fact, I have a group of very good friends, all of which have money (all of which has been inherited...like ain't hap'nin to me), who are choosing to do the same thing when they retire. I can't seem to do it...even though it would be something I could easily do, make much money, and probably enjoy. You see, they run in a different 'circle' than my family and I...and I just don't feel comfortable. All of this to say, reading this brings many thoughts...again.
ReplyDeleteBut, how to teach the hidden rules to our kids...First, I feel it's imperative that it be done! And, like most things, when made aware that it's an issue, you just address it. I'm attempting to teach one of mine that talking for everyone when working in a group is one of those hidden rules that make you a negative group member...only the future will tell...To retreat from 'the elephant in the room' and not address what the kids feel confused about is not OK...Our job is to teach all the time, and all the time teach...even the hidden rules. Ruby Payne has done a fantastic job of figuring all of this out and putting it in words for us. We must pay attention to this so our kids can excel in ALL situations.
Well, here it is, October 6, and I'm just getting to this assignment----I just kept forgetting to get online. I love Ruby Payne. I think she has opened a world of possibilities for us, by just inviting us to take a different "look" at our students and their families.
ReplyDeleteLinda DiVall
My job of helping teachers to locate gifted students is often compromised by hidden rules. We have to delve a little deeper into the rules to find the gifted kids. Fortunately, there are educators who have provided us with the tools to help us recognize giftedness in poverty----it definitely has a different view.
I am blessed to be able to work with my students over a span of years----some of my students I've worked with since kindergarten. It's been important for me to observe the hidden rules that guide their lives, yet it's also important for them to see the hidden rules that guide mine. I'm amazed at the amount of work it takes to teach the "new kid" my hidden rules----they seem so simple to me.
I use the make your day expectations at both of my schools. I really believe it helps establish those hidden rules and create a climate for learning.
I grew up in a college town. We had a small 2 year private college literally in our back yard. The football stadium was on the other side of our back fence. The hidden rule was that schooling didn't end at graduation from high school. The plan was always to go on to attendance at the junior college in my town. It was ever really talked about----just a hidden rule.
Something I've also noticed over the years is the hidden rule of high school graduation. That rule seems to have changed enormously in the hundred years since I graduated from high school. Back then, only losers didn't graduate from high school. You were considered pretty useless if you couldn't make it through the twelth grade. It's incredible the amount of students who do not make it through to the end----and especially the number of students who drop out with only a semester to go.
Communication is the key. When we teach them communication skills, we open up a world of possiblities.
I have been in several of Ruby Payne's workshops and she has helped me understand where my students are coming from and why they react the way they do. The chapter on hidden rules has also reinforced what I learned on how to relate to them and also has helped me work through my frustation of reaching them. MYD has helped with this situation. The students are given the expectations. The can choose to follow the rules are take step. Last year I had a very angry student. He had chosen several step 4's and a step 5. He never did his work. He had failed most of the assignments I had given. I had to work very hard to develop a trust between us. He was afraid to get close to anyone. He would not interact with any of his classmates. Everyday at recess he would sit by himself. He would not talk or play with anyone. Each day I would talk to him. After many months he realized he could trust me and he opened up about his home life. He was very defensive because his father was in jail. He felt like he had to defend his family. By the end of the year he was my success story. He had even made the honor roll. When I see him in the hall now, he always speaks and has a beautiful smile. He will forever be in my heart. Communication is the key. I had to understand where he was coming from before I could reach him. When you teach them how to react to situations, they have learned the skills to cope.
ReplyDeleteDarla Hatcher
Ruby brings to light how difficult it is for children from generational poverty. They have SOOOOO much baggage when they come to us. I know from experience that building relationships with kids as their role model (not their friend) can truly make a difference in helping them see that they can succeed. We as teachers must respect their feelings and work with them to understand the hidden rules of middle class. Not only should we teach hidden rules, we should model them!
ReplyDeleteBetter late than never, right??? Most of what I was feeling has already been expressed so eloquently by my peers so I will just add to what has already been stated.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this chapter it gives me much more insight into why my students and their parents act/react the way they do. I also feel that by understanding their reactions to their "hidden rules" it allows me to be more patient and compassionate and not take it as something personal they are doing "to me". I know that I can be a better teacher to them if I understand their "hidden rules" while teaching them mine.